Need
by angelofdarkness78
Summary: “You asked me,” he said, his voice a little raspy. He cleared his throat and tried again. “You asked me if I ever wanted to talk.” Set after the Berrisford Agenda. MA implied
1. Need

Disclaimer: I do not own Dark Angel (or Alec, unfortunately). This is written purely for entertainment purposes.

A/N: Whoo boy. I'm bad. Very, very bad. I should be writing an essay right now. Oh well. A tiny, tiny break?

I intend to make this a short trilogy. Well, maybe. It depends on how I like this first part. And how much work I have.

Set: shortly after the Berrisford Agenda.

* * *

A soft knock sounded at the door. Max padded over, clad in oversized sweatpants and a small red tank top. She idly wondered who would be coming over so late at night. If Logan had wanted her for an Eyes Only gig, he would have just called. Original Cindy was out for the night with the girl from the floor upstairs. And if it was White… well, she highly doubted he'd knock first. More like come in with all guns blazing, ranting about how transgenics were the scum of the earth.

She unlocked the door and was surprised to see Alec standing there. His hair was mussed up on one side, and his eyes were bloodshot. He stood there awkwardly, hands in pockets, feet shifting as if he wasn't sure whether he wanted to stay or go.

He looked horrible.

"Alec?" she murmured softly. "Are you –" She bit her lip. What a stupid question. It was obvious he wasn't okay. Ever since Rachel died, he pretended to be back to his normal, cocky self, but there were occasional moments when his pain slipped through the façade, there for all who were perceptive enough to see.

She held the door open wider. "You wanna come in?"

He paused, deliberating, and then stepped inside. It scared her how he still hadn't said a word. _Alec_ and _silence_ just didn't go together in her mind.

"You asked me," he said, his voice a little raspy. He cleared his throat and tried again. "You asked me if I ever wanted to talk."

Max nodded. She pulled him over to the couch and they sat down. He wanted to talk. Okay. She could do that. She had no idea_ how_ exactly, but she hadn't exactly been thinking of that when she had made the offer. She figured she could just listen and let him get out whatever he needed to say.

They sat uncomfortably for a few minutes, neither of them saying anything. This was new territory for them. Transgenics didn't _talk_ about their feelings; they suppressed them and moved on. Feelings were a liability. Feelings were frowned upon. That was what Manticore had taught them, and it didn't matter that they were no longer in there – they still didn't talk about them.

Unable to take any more of the silence, Max feebly gestured her hand towards him, prompting him to start. But he just continued to sit there.

Finally, he said, "I don't really want to _talk_. I just… I…"

She was momentarily confused as to why he had come to her. If he didn't want to talk, then what exactly was she supposed to do? Suddenly, understanding filled her as he stared at her pitifully, and she moved closer to him on the couch. She reached out an arm, hesitated for a moment, and then brought his head down to rest on her chest, her hand raking through his hair in an effort to comfort him. His body was rigid at first, unaccustomed to the closeness between them, and then finally he relaxed, burying his face in her neck. For the first couple of minutes he was silent, but then his body started to tremble as he began to cry.

Max felt the tears wet her skin and her shirt, but she continued to rub circles on his back, making what she hoped sounded like soothing sounds. It broke her heart to see him like this; she had never imagined that one day she would see Alec's tears, and she feverishly wished that it had never come. Alec was usually lighthearted and so full of life, and this broken version screamed _wrong_ to her. He wasn't supposed to be like this. He was supposed to be funny, and confident, and so goddamn annoying that she would want to throw him off a building. But not this.

She realized her error in foolishly believing the front he had always put up around everyone. That he was _always alright_ and that nothing could touch him, physically or emotionally. She should have recognized what he was doing. After all, it wasn't so long ago that she had put up the same barriers in order to keep everyone out. She still did. But everyone had their breaking point. Even X5s. And it seemed that Alec had finally reached his.

She shifted so that they were now lying down on the couch, which wasn't easy considering how little room there was. But they managed, and she wrapped one arm around his muscular torso, the other one fiddling with his hair again. Somewhere in the back of her mind, she realized how close her body was to his, how good it felt to be this close to anyone in a long time. She wasn't _completely_ oblivious to the fact that Alec was a very attractive man, and that he was currently spooned against her.

But tonight wasn't about that. It wasn't about love, or sex, or friendship. It wasn't about saving face and maintaining façades. It wasn't even about two broken people who had found each other in this equally broken world.

It was about _need_.

* * *

A/N: This is really different from what I usually write, but I think I like it. Let me know your thoughts?


	2. Want

A/N: I'm glad you guys liked the last part. This mini trilogy is centered on the basic urges that humans have: need, want, and have (I'm quite aware that "have" isn't an urge, but whatever). This part is more lighthearted than the last one.

On another note, I just created a new forum called "Crash". I figured that almost all of the forums have gone extinct over the years, and this would be a great way for us authors and readers to chat about the show and stories, post challenges, recommend fics, etc. While it's centered on MA, anyone of any ship is welcome to come in and chat.

Set: Sometime after Hello, Goodbye

* * *

Crash was busy tonight. People milled about, playing foosball in the corner or getting their drink on at the bar. The stereo was blasting some upbeat pre-pulse song which some people were dancing to, but the focus of the crowd was on a game of pool, where one player was currently beating the pants off of the other.

It didn't take much to figure out who he was.

Max watched the game from afar, her gaze following every move Alec made. She knew that he could feel her watching him, as he looked up every so often from his game to flash her a cocky grin. She was just glad that that grin of his was back in place. She had spent so many days after Rachel's death seeing that pained look on his face that she was afraid she would never catch a glimpse of that heart-melting grin again.

They never spoke of that night. She had fallen asleep on the couch next to him and when she had woken up the next morning, he was gone. And that had been it. He never brought it up and she never mentioned it. She had to admit to herself that she regretted the loss of warmth, that that one night's sleep had felt better than the amount she got in a week. It was ironic that while she was supposed to be comforting him, it was _his_ presence that had comforted _her_. She wanted to chalk it up to the fact that while she was alone she could never truly let herself go, never fall asleep without always having one eye open. But even _she_ didn't believe her own lie. The thing was, Alec had changed since she had first met him. And she was finally starting to notice.

He had become more dependable, always there at her side ready to do whatever she asked him to without question. He had no real obligation to, but he did so anyways. Her lips twitched into a smile. It was also probably due to the fact that she always threatened bodily harm if he was going to be a smartass about it. The man had a sense of self-preservation at least.

She thought back to a couple of days ago, when he had gotten busted for crimes Ben had committed. Her heart constricted at the thought of her brother. They had ended up back at her apartment, and she had finally chosen to tell him what had happened. She had never told anyone before, never even considered it. Original Cindy, as much as she loved her, would never understand. Neither would Logan. Murder was murder, and even she was disgusted with herself at taking the easy way out. She had been afraid of going back there, so god damn afraid, that she had deserted her brother. _Her own brother!_ She hadn't looked at Alec as she told him, hadn't wanted to see the shocked look on his face that would prove she was a horrible person even by her own kind's standards. But all he had done was put an arm around her, touch his lips gently to her hair, and say he was sorry.

_Max, I'm sorry. _

And that's when she knew.

She wanted him.

She wanted him with a passion that threw her, with an urge that burned like a raging inferno. She wanted to know what it felt like to kiss those lips, to be held in those arms of his. But what she wanted most of all was to be with someone who understood what she was, who would never judge her for her past. Someone who she felt she could tell anything to.

And that was _him_.

She was tired of denying it, at least to herself. How many times had Original Cindy hinted at it, how many times had she had to convince herself that the only thing there was between them was animosity? Even Logan seemed to see it; she had visited him to drop off the necklace she had found around Joshua's neck with the breeding cult symbol, figuring he'd want to know about the link between Sandeman and the cult. He had greeted her drunkenly, saying that he had seen Alec leaving her apartment. She hadn't known what to say to that, other than to tell him it was over. Then he asked if it was because of _him_.

It was the perfect way to get out of the situation, so she confirmed it. And then she realized she wasn't lying. There _was_ someone else. She loved Logan and always would, but that chapter in her life closed a long time ago. They both had just refused to acknowledge it. She had to move on.

Which left her leaning against a table in Crash wondering what the hell she was supposed to do.

She wanted Alec. This she knew. But what she was going to do with the information she had no idea.

_Go get him_, her mind screamed at her. Well, this was fine and dandy in theory, but in practice? She couldn't just waltz right up to him and say "Alec, I want you".

Then again, why not?

She knew the effect she had on men. She had spent the years after the escape confused as to why they were so attracted to her until she had grasped the concept of sexuality, one she had played to her full advantage. If she had wanted something, or _someone_, she had never hesitated in making her move. She wondered when exactly all of that had changed. When she had become someone too afraid to go get what she wanted.

Suddenly feeling bold, she walked over to him just as he beat his opponent. Well, walked wasn't exactly the right term. Her hips had a sway to them that had every man's eyes locked on their movement. Alec spotted her coming, and his eyes widened in shock as she reached him.

"Hey."

That one word in itself sounded suggestive just the way she said it. Low and full of promise. She watched with satisfaction as Alec was totally put off center.

"Max," he replied. His face held a bemused smile, trying to figure out what exactly she was up to. "You feeling okay?"

"Never better." She decided to up the ante, and placed her hands at the hem of his shirt, toying with it. If she was going to do this, she might as well do it full out. She also decided she liked the totally bewildered expression on his face.

"Max?"

"Mmhmm?"

"You're touching me."

"So?"

"Willingly."

"Aren't you observant?"

"Are you in heat?"

"Nope."

"Uh huh." He nodded to himself, processing something. Then he yelled over his shoulder, "Sketch, my man! I found your missing crack! It fell into Max's drink!"

She smacked him upside the head.

"Ah, there's the Maxie I know," he said. "Now, what is going on with you?"

_Say it_, the annoying voice in her mind urged. _SAY IT. What have you got to lose?_

She really didn't want to answer that question. She took a deep breath, and decided to dive right into it.

_Take a header into the deep end when the pool's empty, you're going to go splat._

She just hoped the pool was full.

"I want you," she said bluntly. Alec blinked, uncomprehending, so she repeated it. "I want you."

"You want me," he echoed. "Max, have you completely lost your mind?"

"No." Her nerve was beginning to falter. What if he didn't feel the same way? He had only lost Rachel a few months ago. _Stupid, stupid, stupid_.

"Don't play games with me Max," he said hoarsely. "I'm not going to be someone you yank around until you decide whether or not you want to be with Logan."

"I told Logan that we were over. I meant it. I can't do it anymore. We were trying to act like nothing had changed since I came back from Manticore. But it has. And… I don't feel the same for him anymore."

"But you do for me," he said doubtfully.

"Look Alec, we're not perfect. And when I'm with you, I don't feel like I have to hide the things that are wrong with me." She looked away from him. Confessions were never her strong point, and they made her feel vastly uncomfortable. She looked at him in surprise when he drew her nearer, the roughened pads of his fingers rubbing her bare arm gently.

"There's nothing wrong with you," he said softly. "You _are_ perfect."

Her heart jumped at the words, but she forced herself not to get excited. That didn't necessarily mean that he wanted to be with her.

"I meant it when I said that I want you, Alec. They aren't empty words. I've heard enough of those in my life to know how much they hurt."

He seemed to be pondering something before he broke out into a broad smile. "I'm just shocked that you stole my line."

She laughed at that, and his arms came around her.

"One last question – why?"

She grinned at him. "Well, you're ass _is_ cute as hell."

He mirrored her expression. "I always knew you wanted it, Maxie."

* * *

A/N: I couldn't help myself. It turned into fluff. I'm so very sorry. Haha.

And just in case the whole "pool is empty" metaphor is too obscure to understand, if it's empty, it means that Alec has no feelings for her, and she's going to be crushed.


	3. Have

A/N: Thanks to everyone who took the time to review this story. Here's the conclusion to the trilogy.

Set: After Freak Nation

* * *

Alec clutched Max's hand tightly in his as they watched Terminal City's flag being raised. It flapped proudly in the wind, a statement to all the ordinaries that saw it. It symbolized that they were a nation, a group of people who weren't just going to back down despite the fact that everyone wanted them dead.

"Look at all of them," he whispered in her ear. "Look at what you gave them."

"Gave? I put them out here, put their heads on a chopping block. So many of us have died, Alec: everyone that White caught, Cece…" She paused. "Biggs. And for what? For us to be holed up in some toxic waste dump, fighting in a war that sooner or later, we're bound to lose? We may be better trained, but there's a hell of a lot more of them than there are of us. The fighting – it's never going to end."

His grip tightened and he brought her close. "You gave them a taste of freedom. A chance to finally be in charge of what to do with their lives. It doesn't matter now that we're in a war; no one's forcing them to fight, they're _choosing_ to. Besides, that's what we do, Maxie. We fight. We've been fighting all our lives for what we wanted."

She relished the warmth his body provided, and tucked her head into the crook of his neck. "I'm tired of fighting," she mumbled, cold lips moving against his skin.

He was silent for several moments, eyes on the fluttering flag. He remembered the symbolism behind the different colors, remembered Joshua's somber voice and the movement of his hand from the red to the white. _This is where we are now, because our blood is being spilled._

"Pretend you could have anything, without having to fight for it. What would it be?" he asked her.

"What's the point?" she muttered. "It's never going to happen."

He nudged her playfully, lips turning up at the corners. "That's kind of the point of pretending, Max."

She opened her mouth to respond and then suddenly clamped it shut again, a weird expression coming over her face. She had been about to utter the obvious – that their kind could live freely and without fear in the world – when she realized something. She seemed to think about it for another minute before answering him.

"I don't need anything," she said firmly. "As screwed up as everything is, I already have everything that I want that _really_ matters."

He took a second to think about that, chewing his lip contemplatively. He looked at her carefully. "You _are_ talking about me, right?"

She worked to keep her face as straight as she could. "Well, I was really talking about the upgrade to my Ninja, but you too."

He cracked her a grin, and she nestled deeper into his arms, watching the others who were still staring at the flag. They had stayed because she had asked them to, and now she was terrified that she had made a mistake and was leading them all to their deathbeds. But Alec was right. They were fighters. They would lose some of their friends, but they would endure. _She_ would endure.

Because she had Alec. She had her friends. She had this group of ragtag soldiers who had somehow become her family.

Everything she had ever needed. Everything she had ever wanted.

She already had.

* * *

A/N: *scratches head* Well, I hope that kind of made sense. I feel as if Max's realization may have come on too suddenly, but then again, that's what epiphanies are, right? Hmmm….


End file.
